My numerology got me fucked up.
In a bid to live a more purposeful life, my sister recently learned her numerology and the associated traits. After determining my numerology, she immediately called with the news. Like astrology, I enjoy the information, but treat it more casually than a guiding force. But as I read more about my numerology and life path (as a 6), the more I was intrigued by its accuracy.
Those on the 6 life path are here to work through issues of perfectionism, emotional expression, and self-doubt in order to bring forward their inspiring vision of life’s possibilities, while appreciating the innate perfection of the present moment.
Nearly all 6s are more interested in goals than in the sometimes-lengthy process necessary to reach them. They are willing to go through the steps, but they want to do it quickly so they can reach the ideal, the end product. 6s see the completed vision before them and want to achieve it; they want to arrive almost before they have begun.
Anyone close to me can tell you about my preference for perfectionism or my troubles with emotional expression (note: it didn’t say expression, but emotional expression). This is nothing new to me, but the text about achieving the end result swirled around in my head for weeks.
On the surface, I’m a very goal-driven person but have struggled with lifetime goals and dreams, often focusing on the journey. In my 14 years of competitive swimming, I never dreamed of the Olympics, I just wanted to win and have fun. When I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in television, I thought being a sitcom writer seemed far-fetched for this unconnected, middle-class, Midwest gal, so I was happy growing and learning in the industry.
But ever since Covid and the upheaval of not only the media industry, but the middle class, I have been more focused on my stagnation. The accompanying career troubles and physical ailments have only added to the feelings of failure or being behind in life. Even my first two blogs touch on my current hyper-fixation with the end result, for goodness’ sake!
Part of it is self-inflicted pressure, along with societal expectations, of where I should be as a 40-something professional. The other part is the current denigration of the middle-class due to corporate consolidation, weakened labor power, and the cost-of-living explosion (to name a few). Thanks to the latter, many of my Millennial counterparts aren’t doing well either and it brings me no solace.
The personal, professional, and societal instability caused me to spin my wheels, searching for the perfect opportunity to shield me. Of course, the modern-day job application process is equivalent to screaming into the abyss, so that was no luck. I also threw spaghetti against every wall, hoping something would stick, but nothing ever did. (maybe I didn’t throw hard enough?)
It all made me feel stupid and angry. Like my experience was worthless and I had made bad career choices. Silly me, yet it was no fault of my own. The thought of starting a third career from the ground up was mind-numbing.
Now, I do want to take a moment to acknowledge the outsized role I’ve allowed my career to play in my overall happiness. I know I’m not alone in this way of thinking. I’m working to actively dismantle those thought patterns and habits, but it is a journey 😉
I found an easy way to rewire your thinking is to start an activity that interests you. Learning and achieving something you’re passionate about helps raise confidence and fuels personal growth. I started tennis lessons last year and it has brought me such joy, and gave shape to a competitive drive that had been quietly building. It doesn’t make up for having a full-time job that doesn’t pay a living wage, but it does help put things into perspective. And for that, I am thankful for tennis and my job.
After years of feeling lost, I finally feel like I’ve found my way. I’m not exactly sure where this road will lead, but for the first time, I’m excited to find out. As a reminder to myself—and an encouragement for anyone who needs it—here are a few reasons to enjoy the journey along the way:
- Finding joy in the everyday effort creates happiness in your growth, so fulfillment doesn’t have to wait for the finish line. When you’re able to appreciate the process instead of fixating on the outcome, you take some of the pressure off and actually get to enjoy the journey.
- Focusing on the journey builds lasting habits and welcomes experimentation, curiosity, and creativity. Authenticity over extrinsic rewards. Setbacks become a source of learning, not disappointment.
- Escape the psychological trap of the arrival fallacy. How many times have you thought, “I will finally be happy when I achieve _____.”?!
Here’s to the unexpected turns, meaningful moments, and whatever comes next. Let’s go.
